Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
