Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
