That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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