Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
