I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
