Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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