You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
