Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
