They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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