I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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