Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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