Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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