Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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