I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
