'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
