apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this beer tastes like vomit already
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
