I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
