It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
