I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
