i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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