He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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