I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
