I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
