Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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