HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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