ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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