porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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