yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
now i know why i became what i already was.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
