I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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