Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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