Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
