My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
