Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
oh god was she eating orange peels again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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