the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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