My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
