Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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