we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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