Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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