I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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