you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your cock deserves a montage
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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