Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
