yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
