I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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