I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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