we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
