the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
