I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dear god my vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
