Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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