i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
