her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
