if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
