so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
