I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
