I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
