If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
