She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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