I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
