I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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