waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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