I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
