Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
