the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
