I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
