just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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