glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We don't watch enough power rangers
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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