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I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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