I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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