boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize